In praise of real ale

I gather, from things I read, that real ale has an “unfashionable” image. I like real ale, but I can’t say I had ever even considered whether or not it is fashionable. Can a drink be fashionable? The idea sounds a little ridiculous, but view the comments here and you’ll see what I mean…

What this issue illuminates is the way that people frequently care more about image than they do about actual intrinsic quality. They accept, without a moment’s thought, the Emperor’s New Clothes, and they say how great he looks. They pay to be in his presence.

There are certainly some distinctive lagers, mostly from Belgium and Germany, but many are the times in the UK you will see a man, “one of the boys”, a “regular”, propping up the bar, someone who seems to think alcohol and drinking are somehow cool, and the drink this man will more than likely choose is a lager. It hardly matters which one. In fact it really does hardly matter, because to all but the most sober person the majority of lagers marketed in the UK taste virtually identical.

A lager, from time to time, can be nice. Especially with a curry, when one specifically doesn’t want much flavour, or on a hot day. But lagers are generally less healthy than real ales, more inclined to make you drunk, less natural, less variable in taste, and the profit ratio is much higher in them as we are all ripped off to pay for their advertising rather than the product itself. Incidentally, lager advertising is some of the most witty and amusing on the television (or used to be), but rarely says anything about the actual product, so can (like much advertising, sadly) be considered in isolation, as completely separate from the product.

I have confidence that if I performed a taste test with the average lager drinker on four different lagers from UK pubs, they would be unable to differentiate between the four, let alone identify them. But were I to choose four different real ales, these might be vastly different, just as wines are. One could be hoppy, one like toffee, one malty and one with a hint of elderflower, perhaps (for this, try Badger beers). The clue is in the name: real. Do you really want to pay over the odds for carbonated fizzy drinks that advertise the fact you don’t take your beer seriously and have no discernment as a drinker, or would you like to explore the world of natural, interesting, healthy beers, each with their own character?

You would also be supporting Britain’s many microbreweries, were you to choose a real ale (especially from a free house), instead of giving more money to the bloated corporations which factory-produce the nondescript lagers with little artisanship and threaten to eliminate this tradition from the country.

In addition, how many times, in this nation blighted by binge drinkers, do you hear of “real ale louts” either? Never. This tells us something. Real ale drinkers are generally more discerning, responsible and mature.

If you just don’t like real ale that’s fine. But don’t be sold on the advertising of lager, don’t follow the herd, don’t care about image. As ever, think for yourself. Zig when others zag, try things you wouldn’t usually try – you might be pleasantly surprised.

A conversation between Chris and Norm

Inspired by the attacks on “The Four Horsemen” and using characters from WWGHA…

Chris: You know what I really don’t like about these atheists? They’re so arrogant!

Norm: Yeah, right.. Um, so, do you know that there’s a god?

Chris: Yes, of course. I speak to him every day.

Norm: Oh, okay… Does he listen to your prayers?

Chris: Yes, of course. God listens to the prayers of anyone who prays to him.

Norm: Does he sometimes reply?

Chris: Well, he doesn’t reply as such, but I know he listens to me.

Norm: Oh, okay. So do you know how the universe came about?

Chris: Yes, I do: God made it. It took him seven days – well, six to be precise.

Norm: Wow, how do you know all this?

Chris: Well it says it in the Bible of course, so it must be true.

Norm: Oh yes. I guess you also know when it was made?

Chris: Yes, I do actually. It was made approximately 6,000 years ago.

Norm: Wow, you seem to know a lot about the past – even really difficult stuff that the scientists are struggling over. Tell me, can you read the future too?

Chris: Yes, I can. I can tell you for example that Jesus is returning soon.

Norm: Wow. How do you know that??

Chris: Because he said so.

Norm: What, you heard him??

Chris: No, silly. It says in the Bible.

Norm: Oh yes, of course.

Chris: Yes, and I’ll tell you something else: Armageddon is coming soon too.

Norm: Oh no! And I guess you don’t mean the movie! How do y- Never mind…

Chris: Yes, so you’d better make sure your show’s in order.

Norm: Hm, I think I’ve heard about this one. The rich man and the eye of the needle, etc? I guess those televangelists are gonna have to give away all their money?

Chris: No, they’ll be okay – they’re special. They’re servants of god, you see.

Norm: Oh, okay. I guess you can be sure of that too. Is there certainly a heaven and a hell? Because they sound a bit man-made to me.

Chris: Nope, they certainly exist. I know that for a fact.

Norm: Oh, right. Tell me, what about morality? Do you know about that too? Because there are some real complicated ethical dilemmas in this day and age which some of the greatest minds in philosoph-

Chris: If I can just stop you there. I think you’ll find you need look no further than the Bible.

Norm: Oh right, yeah.. I think I’ve heard about some of the moral advice in there. But hey man, you know so much, but you don’t seem to have much real evidence. Are you sure about all this stuff?

Chris: Yes, absolutely sure.

Norm: Hey well I guess you’re right. Those arrogant atheists.

Gary Oldman

A couple of videos showing the versatility of actor Gary Oldman!

Nice quotation

“If little labour, little are our gains;
Man’s fortunes are according to his pains.”

Robert Herrick

In other words, we must work hard to feel fulfilled, and a reward that comes easily is not much of a reward at all. In other words – “no pain, no gain”.

U2: Sometimes You Can’t Make it on Your Own

U2 seem to have a level of excellence in songwriting that means nearly anyone can appreciate the quality of their music, enabling them to displace even the likes of McCartney at awards ceremonies and claim their rightful place at the top. A great justice it is, then, when a song like this wins two Grammy awards…

Toby Keith: Courtesy of The Red, White & Blue

Toby Keith wrote this song after Islamic terrorists murdered 2,974 American civilians in 2001.

I had never even heard of the song here in the UK until last year. That’s not surprising: it’s fashionable to hate America here, though this is changing slightly now as many people have embraced President Obama as some kind of superhero (largely on racial – indeed that’s racist – grounds, even though he is not strictly speaking even black).

I guess many “limosine liberals” have nearly forgotten about Sept 11th now, so busy are they self-flagellating with post-colonial guilt over things they never actually did, and naively inviting all of the more primitive cultures of the world to come and weaken their own.

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Keith wrote the song in defence of America and core American values (namely freedom, which is fast being eroded as the UN is trying to make it illegal to criticise Islam). America – a nation not without its faults, of course, but nonetheless the most successful, positive, productive, generous and – I dare say – the bravest nation in the world. They’ve bailed Europe out before. Don’t let’s make them have to come and do it again.

If everybody behaved with integrity…

Have you ever wondered what kind of day you might have if everybody you encountered treated you with the kind of basic courtesy and respect which is so rare in cities nowadays? I’m probably violating copyright terms by letting you know, but credit goes to Dominic Arkwright and the BBC for this excellent sketch which appeared on Radio 4’s Broadcasting House a few years ago. Enjoy it.

Puff the Magic Dragon

What a considerable relief to all concerned: the song of the Puff the Magic Dragon programme that I remember fondly from my childhood was not about smoking pot. And Captain Pugwash wasn’t about what was claimed either. My personal favourites however were always Rupert and particularly Mr Benn, who used to secretly time travel.

These highly imaginative, intelligent and non-violent children’s programmes were so much better than much of the rubbish put on the TV now.

The lost art of chivalry

Let us start with a fine painting from the pre-raphaelite period. This is real art (not a toilet or an unmade bed, which any of us can make – or rather not make) and it’ll remind us of the grace of the subject at hand…

I have to confess I generally dislike the Radio 4 programme Woman’s Hour. It’s not because one suspects that in this politically correct age a similar programme would never be allowed for men without a media uproar, but because it often seems schizophrenic in its implication, one minute, that women are identical to men, and the next minute having on a romantic drama or an article about childbirth. It seems to largely conspire in the modern feminist agenda of belittling the traditional feminine qualities of women and suffers from having on a disproportionate amount of, shall we say, less feminine types and suggesting they are both desirable and the norm. I also grow a little tied of Jenni Murray’s “[Sigh]… men..” tone of voice, which always seems uncalled for.

Anyway, today on here there was an interesting article about the lost art of chivalry. The journalist Will Hodgkinson has noticed that it is lacking in society and is calling for its return. He lightly implied it might be as a result of feminism, but added this had opened the way for men to be lazy, rude etc – so bringing the blame back to men. I guess this was the only way he could get the issue on the air.

I greatly lament the lack of chivalry in society these days too, but I lay the blame for its absence more firmly at the door of feminism. Frankly, any gentlemen left in society do not know whether to give up their seat for a woman or not any more. They are as likely to meet with a paranoid “Do I look like I need it?” as a “Thank you”. Any other attempt as niceness or politeness, especially with a stranger, is likely to result in them being regarded as a “creep” or “after something” – as was mentioned in the article.

A feminist on the programme (apart from Murray), Sarah Salih – whose picture incidentally I would have been interested to see – seemed to be implying that women are the same as men (again) and Mr Hodgkinson went along with this. It must be difficult on the air, but he could have said that actually women are not the same as men – it’s not a case of straight identity. They tend to feel the cold more than men, dress in fewer clothes on nights out, be less physically strong – among many other differences which we can all be grateful for and celebrate. Why should it be politically incorrect to point these things out? It’s for reasons such as these that its nice for a man to show particular concern and chilvary towards women. Any normal woman actually desires this and knows it is not condescending – and it certainly not meant in that way – it is rather caring and complimentary.

So many women are in a mixed-up state, and they only have this small minorty of strange ones, who are given disproportionate media time, to blame. On the one hand they want to be identical to men. On the other they secretly yearn for a true gentleman to sweep them off their feet, respect them, love them and care for them.

Credit to Will Hodgkinson for pointing out the lack of chivalry these days. Women, please embrace your femininity and allow us to treat you like ladies and restore this quality to society once again. Men, be ready.

Nice quotations

“I have learned to seek my happiness by limiting my desires, rather than in attempting to satisfy them.”

- John Stuart Mill

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”

Nice quotation

“It’s better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.”

- Elizabeth Kenny

Conversation with an asylum seeker

In this article I do not, of course, mean “asylum seeker” as in a person seeking a mental asylum, although there are many people wandering the streets of London who appear to be in need of such an institution: when a person walks past you talking to themselves these days, there is a considerable chance of them not actually being on the phone but just talking to themselves. The issue of “care in the community” and the many people who have been killed by prematurely released patients will have to wait for future occasion, because in this article I’m talking about asylum as in “refuge”.

Stopping for a cheap but remarkably good chicken and chips on my amble around Balham today, I had a very interesting chat with the man working in the shop (which is called “Flava’s”). He is a friendly man who wears a headscarf and seems unbothered by the undesirable clientele who sometimes frequent the place. A little way into our chat I found out why. He’s from Afghanistan and four years ago he fled the country after his uncle, father and brother were all killed having been forced to fight by the Taliban, that savage group who only in 2000 held 95% of Afghanistan and who would like to impose their barbaric hard-line Islam on everybody else (including you) too. He does not know where his mother is.

Before dying, the uncle paid around £4,000 for this man to escape to Europe and then finally to the UK, avoiding air transport. The man hated the Taliban, as did the rest of this family, and did not wish to fight and die for them or be killed by them. Arriving in the UK, illegally, he sought asylum and it was granted to him.

I asked him if he liked it here. Hi face lit up – he loves it. There he is, doing a job many Britons would consider beneath them, but he is very grateful for it (and I was grateful for him doing it). I asked him what he thought of the United States and UK’s presence in his country. Again his face lit up. He saw us as, quite frankly, liberators. He was extremely grateful for us being there and overthrowing the murderous, theocratic, Taliban regime.

The man should not have come here illegally, but he deserves our sympathy at the very least, and ignorant, lazy people in this country should be reminded how relatively good they have it, and how gratefully our interventions are sometimes received abroad.

There is a lot of talk of there being too many asylum seekers in the UK now, but actually with an aging population due to medical advances, and a falling childbirth rate as people postpone having children in favour of indulging themselves and seek perfect relationships or none at all, we need the workforce here. Personally I don’t really care where people are from, what I care about is how they conduct themselves. If they are importing their primitive and barbaric religious practices and insisting on unreasonable rights, they should be shown the door immediately. If they are law abiding, respectful and working hard, they’re a credit to the nation, and the only people who need worry here are natives who are falling short themselves.

Baby on board

This is might be a fairly trivial topic, but why is it that we find the commonplace “Baby on board” and “Kids on board” notices in cars so annoying? George Carlin has called the former “the three most puke-inducing words that man has yet come up with” and here are two debates on the issue.

Well… what purpose can these signs possibly serve? Let’s have a look. It can only be either a) pointlessly boastful (“Look! I have a baby/children!”) or b) some kind of warning.

If it is a) then it is arrogant and an insult others, as it assumes they should care. They might reply “So? So do I”, they might not yet be in a position to have any, or they might be unable to conceive. In any case it’s totally unnecessary.

If it is b) then it is either (b1) a warning saying “Watch out – this explains why I might be driving too slowly, or badly due to being distracted” or it is saying (b2) “Don’t drive too close to me or endanger me”.

If it is the former, then frankly the person should not be on the road. Driving too slowly doesn’t help the children – it might endanger them – and if the children might distract the driver such that it affects their driving, something has gone awry. If its the latter, which I think it is, then this is wrong on several counts. First it is an insult to an unknown driver, assuming they would drive badly in the first place. Secondly, it makes the claim that a child’s life is somehow more valuable than an adult’s, and thirdly it assumes an irresponsible driver would even care about this issue (many would not).

One more claim has been made, which is that the signs actually do have some point and are put there so that fire crews look for the child in case of an accident. On this point I would say that emergency staff are probably professional enough to be able to check wreckage without needing help, if the crash was so bad that the sign was really necessary then it would probably not be readable and the child would be dead, and finally it might waste crews’ time, since I bet the drivers do not remove the signs when they are in the car on their own.

Baby on Board signs, trivial or helpful though they might at first seem, are actually another indication of people having a casual disrespect for others in society, and simply not thinking about what they are doing. Save your money.

Karren Brady – First Lady of Football

Karren Brady is a woman being interviewed on Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs right now. She is known as the “First Lady of Football” and is much admired by all, it seems. The very fact she has been selected for this programme implies she should in some way be esteemed, and I don’t like that, which is why I am writing this article. I respect Ms Brady’s admission that she is not academic and her overcoming a medical illness (she underwent brain surgery), but I’m afraid for me that’s where it ends. She comes across to me largely as a superficial and egotistical person with misguided values.

Ms Brady was born into money (evident from her being sent to an exclusive private school) and went to her first job at advertising agency Saatchi & Saatchi. I’ll let this speak for itself. From here she went to LBC as an advertising account handler, it seems, with her main client being porn baron David Sullivan (he of the Sport “newspapers”). Apparently motivated by money more than conscience, she then accepted a job on Mr Sullivan’s payroll.

Ms Brady then became the manager of a football team and continued as a workaholic. Some years later she had a child. Hailed as a “supermum”, she went back to work within three days. But this isn’t the behaviour of a supermum, it is, in my view, a maternal disgrace bordering on neglect. Why, I ask you, is the supermum not the mother who decides to put her career on hold so that she can devote the most important years to her child? Time is the most valuable and selfless thing that can be given. She says of this decision that she is not very proud of it now and tries not to think of it. She also says she does not worry about the early days of her child’s life that she missed, because “it had to be done”, but actually it didn’t have to be done.

She continued to be obsessed by work (in football, remember). She did not own a tea cup because she was never at home. She never spends a day without checking mail. So how much time does she spend with her family? Her son said to her “I wish that Blackberry would blow up”. She often speaks of herself as a success.

It seems to me that Karren Brady bought the deal sold by advertising unthinkingly – hook, line and sinker. They told her how to be, that money and power over others matters most in life, and she followed what they said.

Is her music taste profound? Well, it turned up things like Wham and ABBA, no classical, and I do wonder about her preference for Puffy Daddy’s insipid “I’ll Be Missing You” over the legendary original which it samples (“Every Breath You Take”). She redeemed herself a little in my eyes with her choice of Pride and Prejudice as her favourite novel, but although this novel deals with the material needs faced by women, it never tells women to work 100% of the time. In my view Ms Brady is another example of feminism having been interpreted too strongly by a woman, ultimately to her own expense, and it is rather sad to see.

p.s. The cross around her neck implying Christianity is not winning her any points either.

Nice quotation

“Entities should not be multiplied beyond necessity.”

(Occam’s Razor)