“The Game”

Adopting a mode of behaviour such as Neil Strauss details in his book “The Game” is misguided and leads to unhappiness. It necessitates constant acting and entertaining and even if it leads to physical sex, it actually actively precludes any kind of genuine relationship, so will never be truly satisfying.

Furthermore, if you look up a definition of ‘psychopath’ you will find that about 10 of the 15 identifying traits are actually actively encouraged by the “PUA” community. Through their behaviour they are damaging human relations and damaging themselves.

Having recently met some people who are deluding themselves re. the truth of this, I’ve decided to re-visit this article and expand on it here:

These people play with and manipulate others for their own ends. They are usually sexual ends, but sometimes they claim also to have interpersonal relationships with their “targets”. These interpersonal relationships are always on their terms, however, and in fact the entire game is about them feeding off the attention of others. What they like most of all is to consider how many girls are interested in them. Though they deny it, they commit the Kantian crime of treating others as means to their own ends, rather than considering their interests and treating them truly as ends in themselves.

I believe this is a pretty pitiful way to exist, it cannot lead to genuine, fulfilling relationships, should not lead to self-respect. A truly strong person does not even want sex in isolation as a ego support and is interested in making others happy, transparently and for its own sake, rather than in using them cynically for their own ends. They also have the confidence to be themselves, regardless of how many people are interested in them, and do not engineer their behaviour to meet perceived demand. As Judy Garland said, you should:

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

The problem these people face is that if they are acting in order to capture a girl’s interest, then a little further down the line they are going to have to face the fact that the girl is not actually interested in them anyway. And if they are not acting then they should be ashamed of themselves. Then are running from an inadequacy coming from within which they need to turn around and face. As Aimee Mann says in her song from Magnolia, they need to wise up.

So as a final word, how can you spot these people? Most women know – detection is built-in. They are a little too happy about everything, a little too enthusiastic, they seem to know something you don’t know, they’re unwilling to account for their whereabouts at all times, they blow hot and cold. They need to be ignored until they learn: you get what you give.